đ¸ When We Learn From Each Other đ¸
Sometimes, summer is so sweaty and sweltering that I forget what it ever like to be cold. This past month, Iâve been camped out in front of two fans, digging myself out of a deep work hole, line-by-footnoted-line. In 40 days and 40 nights, I wrote the first draft of a short sex-ed and dating book for high school libraries (out in 2020! Title still TBD! Though, come to think of it, âto be decidedâ is a pretty good name for a book about âteenage identities). That photo above is from the morning the manuscript was due and I was pretty much almost sort-of done.
I was stretched thin all July. In addition to pounding out that book while, I was doing my regular editing for The Nib, volunteering as an ESL teacher, and volunteering for the Trans Wellness Conference. And then, at the very last minute, I got asked to teach a writing class for veterans at the University of Pennsylvania. While I was really too busy, I couldnât say no to the chance to design my own curriculum to share great writing with people whose lives would never otherwise intersect my own.
The class was supposed to be up to 20 people, so I spent hours designing lessons for small groups. I printed out and collated and stapled 20 sets of every short story weâd read. I wrote up discussion questions with 20 students in mind. The day before the first class, I got my final roster: there were actually only 12 people in the class. On the first day, only six showed up. That six then shrank to five. Attendance was sporadic to the extreme. The guys all loved the readings I brought in. They got into Kurt Vonnegut and found Ted Chiang fascinating. They thought Shirley Jackson was brutal but honest and Clint Smith was brilliant and spot-on. But they had a lot of other things going on in their lives that loomed larger than completing a personal essay or writing analysis questions. Everyone in the class had dealt with addiction. Everyone had dealt with health problems. Everyone had dealt with homelessness. Everyone had dealt with trauma. They had all been at rock bottom at some point and are now working to get out of that place. Some with more success than others.
In the last week of the quarter, I knew only two people would actually pass the class. I felt despair. Iâd invested all this time in teaching and for what? For most people to not even show up? For only two people to pass? It just felt so futile. I shouldnât have even tried to teach at all.
For the last class, only one student showed up. He was the oldest student, a Vietnam veteran in his sixties who has a busted knee and 13 grandkids. We talked about his research paper on how banks are scamming customers with hidden fees. He'd never written a thesis or cited a source before. We talked about his family's move from South to North during the Great Migration. I'd never known anyone before who had grown up in the Jim Crow years in such a small town. We decided to call it a night after an hour. As he was packing up, he offered me his opinion on the summer. âI liked your class,â he said. âI always learned something new.â
âYeah,â I realized. âI always learned something new from you, too.â
And thatâs the most we can ask for. Not to get a good letter grade. Not to reach the biggest number of people possible. But to learn from each other and appreciate whoever shows up. Even if sometimes, that's only one person.
STUFF I MADE
Comic - Everyone I know whoâs on the Pill asks, âWhy is there no pill for men? Whyyyyyy?!â To find out, I interviewed some scientists about the future of male contraception. Artist Isabella Rotman illustrated the resulting comic: âMale Contraception is Coming Soon.â
Animated Video - "I donât want my tax money going to pay for someone elseâs healthcare!" I channeled my irritation over all the circular arguments I hear against healthcare reform into this animated video riffing on the fictional Jeopardy category "Dumb Arguments Americans Made Against Universal Healthcare."
The Nib Print Magazine!! Â Iâm so excited to be part of launching a brand-new print magazine with The Nib. Weâre going to start publishing a quarterly comics magazine starting this fall, packed with 115 pages of original comics. The first issue theme is death. Back the Kickstarter to subscribe.
STUFF I LOVE: Best Sex-Ed Books for Adults
Since Iâve spent the last month writing an entire damn book about sex-ed for teens, I decided this edition of the newsletter would include favorites my research. So here are five books about dating and sexuality that I think every adult would benefit from reading.
Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Dr. Emily Nagoski
This accessible, engaging, compassionate primer on womenâs sexuality is all about how so much of our sexuality is actually in our brain⌠not in the rest of our body.
Making Gay History by Eric Marcus
I first read Eric Marcusâs Making Gay History when I was in high school and his collection of oral histories with people who pioneered the LGBT rights movement in the 1940s, 50s, and 60s changed the way I saw the world. I reread it for research this summer and found so much nuance that Iâd missed as a teen. Â
Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating by Moira Weigel
The good old days simply do not exist. What we think of as a âclassicâ date todayâman picks up woman, takes her out for dinner, asks her to be his girlfriendâwas just as scandalous in the 1920s as Tinder hookups are today. Moira Weigel lays out how what we think of as âacceptableâ dating norms have always been shaped by race and class. Â
Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha  Â
A sexuality book for anthropology nerds. Two researchers make the definitive case that human sexuality is defined by diversityâmeaning people have acted all sorts of different ways over the millennia, but tended naturally toward versions of nonmonogamy over strict monogamy.
Oh Joy Sex Toy by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan
Itâs hard to make sex-ed fun, personal, and exquisitely factual, but artist and writer duo Erika and Matthew nail that sweet spot. Even when I think I know everything, I learn something new from Oh Joy Sex Toy.
P.S. if youâre looking for a sex-ed book for teens, the new gold-standard is set by S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Guide to Getting Through Your Teens and Twenties by Scarleteen founder Heather Corinna.
SOMEONE TO KNOW: Five Podcasts to Tell Everyone About
At the back of the book, I included a âresourcesâ section with not just books, but YouTube channels, Instagram accounts, and podcasts that I think will be important for teens. Here are five podcasts I included in the list.
Queery: Comedian Cameron Esposito chats with high-profile LGBTQ guests, including actors, drag queens, and movie producers. This episode with comedian Murray Hill made me run a bunch of errands just so I would have an excuse to finish listening to it in the car.
Codeswitch: A team of journalists fascinated by the overlapping themes of race, ethnicity and culture explore how they play out in Americansâ lives and communities. This weekâs episode about only hearing âwhite-soundingâ voices on the radio is especially interesting.
Latino USA: Iâm constantly telling people about stories I heard on the radio and theyâre like, âWait, was that on Radiolab?â No, it was almost always on Latino USA! I keep thinking about this 2016 episode about the history of Texas Rangers.
Unladylike: From abortion rights to Lisa Frank, research-obsessed hosts Cristen Conger and Caroline Ervin delve deep on feminist issues.
Gender Reveal: Nonbinary host Molly Woodstock interviews LGBTQIA+ artists, activists, and educators, analyzes current events, and get a little bit closer to understanding what the heck gender is.
SOMETHING TO DO
Track Your Screentime⌠And Then Put Down Your Phone
Writing is always hard. But itâs basically impossible when my phone is sitting next to me, lighting up every few minutes with distracting notifications. I started using the app Moment to track my screentime. How much time am I spending on my phone a day? One hour and 43 minutes! Are you better than me or worse? I want to get that down to under a hour and then spend more former-phone-time doing things I actually likeâspending an hour a day drawing, for example.
Iâll write to you in a few weeks! In the meantime, keep in touch on Instagram and Twitter, okay? If this is your first time seeing this newsletter, you can subscribe here.