On the last day of school, when I was a kid, we all sat on the grass and opened up the giant Ziploc bags our parents had packed 10 months ago. Inside were granola bars, goldfish crackers, family photos, and usually a hand-written note. These were homemade earthquake-preparedness kits. If California got hit by a giant quake, we were trained to take cover under our desks. Once the tremors passed, our teacher was supposed to pull out these Ziploc bags. We’d eat granola bars and be heartened by the notes and photos from our parents. The Big One never hit, so as another earthquake-free school year wrapped up, sitting in the grass eating stale Nature Valley oat bars, I always felt a bit gloomy. What if the killer quake hit next year? Was this really the plan to keep us safe from the Earth splitting open—a flimsy freezer bag of shelf-stable snacks? I would read the encouraging note my parents wrote on an index card (“We’ll see you soon!”) and even my fourth-grader brain thought cynically, “Really? There’s no way to know that.”
It’s hard to accept that we’re often so powerless in the face of natural disasters. But I truly can’t wrap my mind around feeling so powerless in the face of human-made disasters. The mass shootings, the human-caused climate chaos, the laws controlling borders and bodies. All of these recent tragedies make me feel scared and sad and, worst of all, useless. Like change is impossible. Like we’re slipping backwards. Like anything I try to do to make our country better is simply worthless.
We stopped making earthquake packs when I was in middle school. That’s when we began a much grimmer ritual. I was in seventh grade during Columbine. After that, my school held an active shooter drill. We were supposed to lock the doors and hide under our desks. Before, we had been hiding under the desks from the fury of nature. Now we were hiding from one of us.
Sometimes I think about how the 11th of November used to be called Armistice Day. A day of peace! It marked the end of The Great War—certain to be the last global war in history. The allies thought the pointless, devastating slaughter of the trench warfare years would surely convince everyone there should be no more war. That idea lasted, like, 20 years. Then the Great War became World War I and eventually Armistice Day became Veterans Day. When Columbine happened, we said, “Never again.” When Sandy Hook happened, we said, “Never again.” Now it’s just again, and again, and again.
There are a few things I turn to when I’m feeling nihilistic. One is The Anthropocene Reviewed, the podcast orated by the soothing voice of author John Green. His commentary on mundane aspects of the world make me feel like everything is meaningful, even the stuff that seems like pointless violence and random misery. One of the last episodes of the show is about a ginkgo tree in Indianapolis. While ginkgo trees are ancient, it’s surprising to see one thriving in the largely paved, industrial Indiana landscape. John Green says, “I’ve spent so much of my life wondering why I am here, feeling this ache behind my solar plexus, feeling that my life isn’t for anything, that it doesn’t mean anything, that the hurt hurts too much and the joy gives too little. But in the shade of the ginkgo tree, I’m able to feel, if only in moments, why I am here. I am here to pay attention. I am here to love and be loved and to know and to not know. I am here to be, not just on this planet, but with it.”
That’s what I’m trying to do now: to pay attention. To be a part of this world, even when I’m not sure how to change it.
Upcoming Events
This Saturday, I’m organizing a comics meetup in Eugene with the University of Oregon’s student comics magazine, Art Ducko. If you live in Eugene, come hang out and draw!
My cartoonist friend Kane Lynch are leading this bike ride next Thursday. If you want to draw more for fun, come draw dogs and people in parks.
I’m organizing a screening of the queer comics document No Straight Lines at comics shop Books With Pictures in July. Put it on your calendar!
All three of these events are part of my artist-in-residency with the Oregon Cartoon Project.
Stuff I Made
Comic: For The Nib’s Cities issue, I edited this great comic about street protests in Cali, Colombia.
Comic: I’ve been trying and failing to quit drinking coffee for months, so I made this comic about the science of caffeine.
Comic: Oregon Humanities published the expanded version of a comic I worked on over the past year about the successful campaign to create universal preschool in Portland.
Zine: I toured a friend’s communal house recently and was so glad places like this still exist that I had to lovingly make fun of them.
Zine: Just a long list of what I’m mad about.
Article: I’m quoted in this Smithsonian article talking about the unique powers of nonfiction comics.
Stuff I Love
Open source fonts - Artist collective JustSeeds has been publishing these very cool packs of free fonts, to help people make stuff like protest posters, flyers, whatever you want!
Diary of a Misfit - I’ve always admired the reporting of Portland journalist Casey Parks and her new memoir reckoning with memory, loss, and queer lives in small Southern towns is a knockout. I stayed up till 2am reading this one night.
It Won’t Always Be Like This - Okay, another new memoir! Malaka Gharib is one of my favorite zine-makers and I constantly recommend her graphic memoir I Was Their American Dream all the time. Now she has a new memoir coming out about growing up between the United States and Egypt. I’m excited to snag it.
Joy Oladokun - I’m working on a playlist for a queer country bike ride in August. Any recommendations? Looking up LGBTQ country artists, I came across singer Joy Oladokun and now can’t stop listening to her song “Sunday.”
Heartstopper - Sometimes you just want to watch a show that’s extremely cute and reminds you what it’s like to have a secret crush!
Pet parades - I spent a week in Port Townsend, Washington, as Ben took classes at the woodworking school there. It happened to be the town’s annual rhododendron festival, which involved THREE parades. Twyla and I joined the pet parade because why not. It was so cute and strange. Here are photos to prove it. Replace all Fourth of July parades with pet parades, in my opinion.
What I’m Reading
Mythos - When you need a soothing voice to read you stories for hours on end, you turn to Stephen Fry. The Greek myths are full of Gods’ disturbing, salacious, and unfair behavior, which makes a lot of sense if you think about humans being created in their image.
Who Fears Death - I picked up this Nnedi Okorafor Afro-futurist magical-realist fantasy at the exquisitely curated mini-bookstore-in-a-bar in Port Townsend’s Manresa Castle. It’s a grim, transporting, and wild ride.
Room to Dream - Why did I somewhat obsessively consume all 16 hours of this David Lynch biography when I’m not even that into David Lynch and haven’t seen many of his films? Because I was spending 20 straight hours drawing and coloring a comic and this book was absolutely engrossing. It’s filled with absolutely bonkers anecdotes.
Something to Do
Take a Bike Ride
Am I depressed or is the world just relentlessly depressing? Either way, I’ve been feeling bleak in recent weeks. One small thing that never fails to make me feel better is riding my bike. A short ride to the grocery store, a long ride to a yard sale across town. No matter where I’m going, getting outside, moving my body, and taking in the sights helps me get out of my head and remember that there are still many good things in the world. If you’re in Portland, join one of over 300 Bike Summer group rides. If you’re not in Portland, I’m sure you can still find an excuse to bike somewhere this weekend.
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Sarah thank you I love this piece of writing. Brava.