➰Progress Is Not Linear➰
Two days before my 32nd birthday, Ben and I were stuck in traffic on our way to Montreal. The longer our car idled in the endless line at the US/Canada border, the more stagnant and restless I felt. Thirty-one is an age when people really get things done. And what had I done? Compared to this time last year, I have less money, am less healthy, have fewer close friends, and take about the same number of naps. The political situation is even more of a rage-inducing dumpster fire than last year. Idling at the border, I felt like I was literally going nowhere. Nothing was changing. Nothing was okay.
I told Ben that I felt like I’d just spent the year running in circles. And worse, like we’d always just be chasing our own tails instead of making any progress.
“You did a lot this year,” he protested. “You got certified to teach ESL. You taught in a prison.”
“Yeah, but did it really accomplish anything?”
“And you taught a whole class at UPenn.”
“Sure.”
“You wrote and drew a bunch of really good comics.”
“Not as good as I want them to be.”
“You wrote two books!”
“But I wanted to write three.”
“Jesus Christ, Sarah!" Ben replied. "I don’t want to invalidate your feelings but also what the fuck? Progress isn’t linear. Sometimes to grow, you have to stop or even go back. You're doing a lot, even if it doesn't feel like it.”
He was right. I realized how ridiculous it all sounded when I said it outloud. I’m very, very lucky to be able to write two books in a year. But it’s hard to remember that when it feels like there’s always so much more to be done. People often describe writing as some kind of glorious, soul-searching endeavor. Like a splash of cool water. Clean, crisp sheets. An isolated cabin on a verdant mountainside. But for me, being creative feels like a sweltering, itchy swamp. It doesn’t work like a border: you’re in one land, you drive straight forward, then you’re in another. Instead, I slog forwards and backwards, getting lost a lot, I’m never sure what trail I’m on at all. A dozen projects nag at me like droning mosquitos. Once an idea pricks me, it itches relentlessly. I’m restless and impatient, wandering around wondering where the hell I’m going and trying to scratch every itch.
But eventually, at some point, I look up and realize I’m in a whole new place. Somehow, I’ve come a long way. And I have a whole new set of itches I need to scratch.
This Week’s Comic
STUFF I MADE
Zine - I’m heading to Portland for XOXO fest next week and made a little one-page zine to hand out: a guide to my six favorite vegan foods in the city. If you’re not at XOXO but want a copy, email me your address and I’ll send you one for free!
Book Release Party - I wrote a sexy romance graphic novel called Open Earth that comes out next month. If you’re in Philadelphia, come to the release party at Win/Win on 9/23. Four other artists are sharing their work, too!
STUFF I LOVE:
A Comic About Abortion in Kentucky - I’m working on a couple upcoming comics about abortion access across the United States, so I’ve been thinking a lot about women living in rural areas. This personal narrative by artist and farmer Arwen Donahue about getting an abortion at the last remaining clinic in Kentucky made my eyes get all hot with tears.
Montreal bagels - My birthday gift to myself was going to Montreal, mostly just to eat bagels and admire the architecture of (in my opinion) the world’s most perfect city. Here’s why Montreal is the best: you can bike anywhere, they have a giant geodesic dome, an entire neighborhood is called “the gay village,” and their bagels are wood-fired and fresh.
Coyote Doggirl - Artist Lisa Hanawalt’s newest book hits shelves this month and it’s just as bizarre and unsettling and lovely as you’d expect from the visual genius behind Bojack Horseman. In the comic, a cowgirl coyote gets into all kinds of trouble as she tries to rescue her stolen horse. I picked up a copy at the Drawn & Quarterly store in Montreal.
Roxane Gay on Louis CK - Whenever I’m not sure how to puzzle out my feelings about the world, I turn to whatever Roxane Gay is writing now. This week, she gives us all the gift of a spot-on essay about the “comebacks” of men accused of sexual assault.
Mitski's New Album!! One of my absolute favorite musicians is back with a brand-new sound. I've been listening to "Nobody" on repeat.
SOMEONE TO KNOW:
Desiree Akhavan
In 1993, a high school junior is sent to Christian reform camp after her family discovers she’s gay. The tender and often funny story told in director Desiree Akhavan’s realistic new film The Miseducation of Cameron Post is really moving. Under Akhavan's hand, the intimate story becomes just a perfect movie. Akhavan herself is a young (b. 1984) director whose parents fled to the U.S. after the Iranian Revolution. I didn’t know anything about her before seeing Cameron Post but now I’m excited to follow her work and see every other movie she ever makes.
SOMETHING TO DO
Pitch in to Stop Kavanaugh
Hearings on whether Brett Kavanaugh should be allowed on the Supreme Court start September 4th. Reasons he should not be on the Supreme Court: 1) He thinks a president shouldn’t be able to be indicted. And the president is currently the unindicted co-conspirator in a massive case. 2) He poses a major threat to reproductive rights. A lot of groups are teaming up around the country to protest Kavanaugh and tell the senate not to confirm him. Learn about local protests here and get involved.
I’ll write to you in a few weeks! In the meantime, keep in touch on Instagram and Twitter, okay? If this is your first time seeing this newsletter, you can subscribe here.