🌻Joyful Participation in a World of Sorrows 🌻
My brain needs things to look forward to. When I’m stressed about the present, having something good in the future gives my spiraling psyche a nice, happy place to rest. That’s my biggest problem with staying home indefinitely: the time stretches before me like a smooth and ominous void. I know in the future we’ll look back and say, “That was a weird four months!” (or six months or eight months or ten months) but just not knowing, not having any events or trips or dinners marked on my calendar, makes it harder to accept each day.
I’ve been listening to the podcast “Sugar Calling,” where Cheryl Strayed talks to writers who are over 60. The writers are not about pretending to be happy or cool or smart. They are calm and wise and skilled at facing darkness. In one episode, travel writer Pico Ayer talks about the cherry blossoms in Japan, where he lives. He says that the whole reason cherry blossoms are so beloved is because their beautiful bright pink petal shower only lasts two weeks. You have to appreciate them before they’re gone. “Life is about a joyful participation in a world of sorrows,” he says.
There’s a big world to participate in, even when I’m staying inside. I’ve been trying to approach quarantine like a lonely homesteader on the high prairie or maybe like a teenager stranded in the suburbs without a ride. That means savoring books and getting deep into music. I appreciate the immense luxury of being able to look up the songs people mention and playing the entire album, over and over. I go through Netflix, watching every documentary available and then researching the director, the screenwriter, the main characters. I watch the behind-the-scenes footage. I talk on the phone longer than I have since I stopped using my parents’ landline. I write as many letters as possible and am delighted to receive any reply—a wave hello from life outside.
And I’ve been planting a garden. Every day, I walk out on the fire escape so I can check the progress of the little starts. I think about how the plants are growing and soaking up the sun and changing day to day. Seeing my kale, basil, and tomatoes in their cute pots made me crave flowers. Lots of flowers. I called a farm store and the clerk said they could help me pick out seeds over the phone. They read me a list of sunflower varietals: “Reds, Sorayas, Garden Anarchy, Transylvanian Giants…” I ordered two packs of Garden Anarchy and one of Transylvanian Giants for curbside pickup. I spent Sunday afternoon sowing sunflowers in the scraps of grass between the sidewalk and the street. The Transylvanian Giants are advertised as “comically large.” They give me something to look forward to: In July and August, amid a world of sorrows, there will also be 15-foot-tall sunflowers.
Top photo: My favorite mural in my neighborhood (by artist Yoshi47)
Below: Transylvanian Giant sunflowers, as advertised by Uprising Seeds
Upcoming Event
Book chat with Malaka Gharib - Malaka is one of my very favorite cartoonists and zine-makers. I read her memoir I Was Their American Dream last year and loved how she captured an honest and poignant portrait of her Southern California childhood growing up as a first-generation American of Filipino and Egyptian descent. Multnomah County Library asked me to host a Q&A with Malaka this Thursday, May 7, at 5:30pm PST. The online talk is free and open to anyone, so you can tune in from all over the world! Here’s the link to the livestream.
This Week’s Comic
Stuff I Made
Big news this week, y’all! Back in November I worked as the web producer on a Reveal investigation into Amazon labor practices. This week, the story, “Behind the Smiles” was named as finalist for the Pulitzer Prize for explanatory reporting. It feels like a big deal to be part of that team.
Shout out to my friend/boss/colleague Matt Bors at The Nib who was also a Pulitzer finalist for editorial cartooning. No one deserves this award more than Matt, who has built The Nib as a home for publishing young and creative cartoonists from all over the world.
In other news, you can still buy my Year of Zines book if you’d like a copy. It’s $12 and has won zero awards!
Stuff I Love
Agave Gawkers - Speaking of giant flowers, the biggest event in Portland right now is that this enormous mountain agave plant on SE Gladstone street is blooming. There have been multiple news stories about how so many people are stoked on this flower. I biked by and saw it and can confirm that it is “very cool.”
Unorthodox - Did I watch this four-part Netflix series in one day and then burst into tears in the final episode? Yes I did. Unorthodox is a fictionalized retelling of former Hasidic Jewish community member Deborah Feldman’s memoir, following a 19-year-old as she flees her loveless marriage and overbearing family and forges a new life for herself in Berlin. The entire production team—writers, producers, directors—are women and their work shines.
Prints by Rebecca Artemisa - I love artist Rebecca Artemisa’s colorful, detailed, witchy paintings. I bought a print to hang over my work-from-home desk and am glad every day that it’s on my wall.
Nooworks shirts - A women-run company based in LA, Nooworks make shirts, pants, and wonderful jumpsuits out of prints designed by artists. Honestly… I could buy everything in this store. But I limited myself to just this cyanotype dog shirt and will be wearing it every day until the end of quarantine.
Making fun of Andrew Cuomo - I can’t stop thinking about this video by comedian Maria DeCotis.
Butternut squash risotto - Arborio rice is back in stock at the supermarket near my house! Much rejoicing! I made a vegan version of this super simple and astoundingly delicious risotto.
Making sourdough bread - That’s right. I’ve joined the dark side of beautiful-bread-bakers. If you want my sourdough recipe, let me know.
What I’m Reading
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte - I’ve tried to read this classic a couple times and never been able to get into it. With time stretching out before me like a shapeless void, it’s now or never… plus it was available immediately as an audiobook from the library. Listening to a story about an intellectually starved girl in the 19th century makes me feel rich. I have so many books! And Wikipedia is endless! My sole source of learning about the world isn’t a pompous asshole named Mr. Rochester.
The View from Castle Rock by Alice Munro - After hearing both Pico Ayer and Cheryl Strayed announce that Alice Munro is their favorite writer, I decided I should finally read one of her books. The only one available at the library immediately was The View from Castle Rock, which is a blend of historical fiction and family history and is apparently her second-most-unpopular book. I like it just fine, except that the audiobook narrator gives voice to some characters with a jarringly terrible impression of a Scottish accent.
On order: Dancing at the Pity Party by Tyler Feder - I preordered this graphic memoir from one of my favorite artists to follow, Tyler Feder. From what I’ve read, she explores her feelings around her mother’s early death with humor and honesty. All book shipping is delayed by weeks, but I’m hoping to read it at some point!
Something to Do
Donate part of your stimulus check - My friend Montucky Woodsnack is organizing a fund that donates to trans people in need—send some money their way! Immigrant rights group CAUSA is organizing a fund for Oregonians who are ineligible for unemployment or stimulus checks due to their immigrantion status—send some money their way, too!
I'll send out another update soon. In the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter. You can also support my work on Patreon and receive wonderful things in the mail. The archive of past newsletters is right here.