꩜ Grasping onto what I can control ꩜
Ben showing off our view into 2022.
Welp. We started off the year by cancelling all our plans. Again. The new wave of Covid and the gray twilight of rainy midwinter days makes me feel like I’m stuck in a time vortex where everything is endlessly looping. The things that used to make the sunless days and long, bone-cold nights of winter bearable—like parties where my friends and I would all pack into a small kitchen, steaming up the windows of the house with all our body heat and laughter—are gone. Who knows when I’ll squeeze onto a sofa between three old friends again, all of us breathing the same air, sharing the same food. It sounds exotic, right?
When I truly don’t know what to do with myself, I turn to cooking. It makes me feel productive. I might be depressed, but at least I’m depressed and have cookies. This week I made two kinds of soup, two pans of lasagna, banana nut muffins, roasted butternut squash, and an apple cobbler. I get a big stack of cookbooks from the library and read through them like novels, planning out what I might make and when and what ingredients I need and which expensive ones I can probably skip. When I get down to the actual cooking, I listen to audiobooks, the longer and more escapist the better. Give me 36 hours of elf lords arguing magical politics, read aloud in a British accent. I can lose myself for a bit, pause the existential problems about what happens next.
It’s hard for my brain to deal with uncertainty. I was hoping that this would be the year I finally apply to art residencies, go to every zine convention possible, roadtrip to see friends, teach in-person workshops, and write another book. But Covid rewrites everything, so now who knows. I love to plan, to map out future possibilities, think them through, and look forward to them. Instead of being able to look forward to what I’ll do in the next year, the future months feel like a void, an obscured part of a map. Since I can’t plan the big stuff, I grasp onto what I can control: muffins. Biscuits. Two kinds of soup.
Upcoming Events
Comics Club for Teens - I was part of a writing group in high school that deeply shaped who I am today. I’ve always wanted to form a similar group for teens who love to create. My friend Kane Lynch and I will be running this weekly comics workshop at Alder Commons in Portland—it’s in-person, hopefully. More info here.
20th anniversary of Guantanamo - This January marks the 20th anniversary of the United States opening Camp X-Ray prison at Guantanamo Bay. Former prisoner Mohamedou Slahi will be speaking at this event organized by the European Center for Human and Constitution Rights. If you have any interest at all in learning about Guantanamo, check it out. I’m not going to be speaking at this event, but the ECCHR is launching a digital art collection that includes pages from my book Guantanamo Voices. January 11th, 8am PST/11am EST/5pm in Berlin More info here.
Stuff I Made
New stickers - There’s a million ways that our society tells us that it’s a bad idea to be an artist. “It’s not practical! It’s not a real job! You’ll never make money!” I realized recently that no one had ever told me it’s a good idea to be an artist. But it is. It’s not only good, it’s necessary. So I made these fun stickers to help bolster anyone who’s wondering whether they’re absurd for wanting to make art.
Stuff I Love
A really nice spoon - To enter the new year, I bought myself one thing: a really nice spoon. It just feels good to have a beautiful spoon on hand. Matching brass nail polish from Olive and June, which I also love.
Station Eleven - This heartful post-apocalyptic thrill by Emily St. Mandel was one of my favorite books I read in 2021 and now it’s a series on HBO. Guys…. big confession… I think I like the show even better than the book! It takes the story in interesting new directions and gives its characters more back stories and complexity. But both the book and show are riveting. Special shout-out: The artist who drew the comic in the HBO series is the artist who drew the cover for Guantanamo Voices!
Bonafide masks - Since cloth masks look cool but don’t do much to protect against Covid, I ordered a bunch of KN95 masks from this site, Bonafide masks. I expected them to be super delayed or sold out because of the surge, but my 20 masks arrived in about 10 days!
Believer comics - I’m always grateful to The Believer for publishing excellent comics. Really, just go click through their archive and be amazed. I was especially excited to see this comic written and drawn from prison by Jorge H. Gonzalez, whose work I’ve edited at The Nib.
Green soup - The mom of one of my best friends happens to be legendary vegetarian cookbook author Anna Thomas, so I was paging through one of her cookbooks over Christmas and came across Green Soup. This sounded weird but I’m always looking for ways to plow through the enormous boxes of spinach I optimistically buy, so I tried it and it’s so, so good!! I love this soup!! It’s one of the two soups I made this week and even Ben says it’s good.
Ogling seed catalogs - Is anyone else flipping through the Seed Savers catalog mapping out what to grow this year? I definitely want to plant some gourds and as many flowers as possible.
Brass Taxes - I’ve recommended this tax prep company so many times that I feel like that Bernie Sanders meme: “I’m once again asking you… to use this great independent company for your taxes instead of a scummy company like H&R Block!” I was scared of doing my taxes as a freelancer and Brass Taxes makes me actually excited to do them.
This halftime show - Just a man and his toilet seat cover. I spent four minutes of my life watching this performance and absolutely did not regret it.
What I’m Reading
The Mask of Mirrors - Sometimes I start listening to a book while doing chores and I’m so engrossed that I find more housework to do in order to justify listening for hours. This fantasy world of magic, dreams, and political machinations is full of cringey tropes (there’s a Robin Hood outlaw called The Rook and an avenging woman called The Black Rose… okay) but who cares because it was very fun and full of delicious world-building details.
Seeing Ghosts - Kat Chow’s searing memoir about reckoning with her mother’s death and the way it reshaped her family and sense of self. I would recommend this to anyone who is processing grief and looking for connection.
The Sunset Route - I follow Carrot Quinn’s epic hiking adventures, so I was excited to pick up her memoirs that weaves together the story of her abusive, chaotic childhood in Alaska with her time train-hopping and dumpster diving as a Portland punk in her twenties. I found it very engrossing and stayed up way too late reading on a work-night. It made me nostalgic for the group houses I used to live at that were full of friends-of-friends stopping in, fresh from tree-sitting, weed-trimming, and through-hiking.
Murder on the Orient Express - Sometimes you just need a mystery to keep you company. I spent probably 20 hours this week coloring a very complicated comic and this Agatha Christie classic was the perfect way to keep my brain engaged.
Something to Do
Keep a journal of what you saw, did, and overheard - I was feeling pretty disconnected from the world when I picked up Lynda Barry’s book Making Comics. She says, “Comics is a way of paying attention.” One way she recommends paying attention is to keep a daily journal listing out 10 things you saw, 10 things you did, one thing you overheard, and one question you have from the day. It’s okay if the things you write down are extremely boring! The idea is to pay attention to whatever is in your world and reflect on this. I started doing this in November and it has made me feel better and more tethered to the world—even on the most monotonous days, I always see or do at least one interesting thing.
I'll send out another update soon. In the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter. You can also support my work on Patreon and receive wonderful things in the mail. The archive of past newsletters is right here.
P.S. Look what functional governments send to people who are quarantining!
P.P.S. When Ben and I were driving in rural Washington on New Years Day, we stopped for gas and spotted not one but two sasquatches! Who says true love is dead?