✨Don't Regret, Remember ✨
One of the benefits of time dissolving into a meaningless puddle is I can stay up past 2am watching emotionally devastating movies by myself. It’s not a healthy life choice but, hey, we are each doing what we need to get through this. Last week at midnight on a Tuesday, I started Portrait of a Lady on Fire, a slow-burning French film about two women, Heloise and Marianne, who fall in love in the 1700s. They have only a few days to spend together before Heloise is going to be married off to an Italian nobleman. The days are bittersweet and as they come to a close, Marianne says how she regrets any time they wasted. Heloise replies, “Don’t regret, remember.” They begin to reminisce about each moment they’ve shared and find joy together all over again.
When I finally went to bed, my brain went where it often has recently: in an anxious circle. Stuck inside, my brain has been whirring through some bad, nihilistic loops. I wish I could have done something to prevent this whole global-pandemic-Joe-Biden-is-the-nominee situation. I should have done more, somehow. Thinking that there’s nothing I could have done and nothing I can do now makes me feel like nothing I do matters at all. I felt powerless and overwhelmed. Then I thought back to that line in the movie. “Don’t regret, remember.” It wasn’t quite the same as hearing the words whispered by a French lover on a windswept beach, but mumbling the line to myself in the dark in a two-room apartment piled with laundry and old snacks did help break the loop a bit. Instead of wallowing in all I can’t do, I can remember what I’ve done. When was a time I was with friends and laughed so hard I cried? When was a time I was out in the sun, in nature? When was a time that I was surrounded by sweaty people and felt safe and good among them? I fell asleep feeling warm.
When I get stuck in a bad spiral, I try to send myself down a path of good memories instead. There’s enough joy in there to keep me full, no matter the hour.
This Week’s Comic
Stuff I Made
Comic: “Grocery Workers Are Essential—And Feeling the Strain.” I heard from over 30 grocery workers from around the country in the process of making this comic for NPR. I like the way the comic came out!
Comic: I co-wrote a comic for The Nib about lessons we can learn from the 1918 flu pandemic. First lesson: The so-called “Spanish Flu” very likely did not originate in Spain!
Year of Zines book: Avery Kaplan wrote up a nice review of my year of zines project. :D
Interview: I talked with New Yorker cartoonist Jason Katzenstein about his book chronicling his life with OCD. The book, Everything is an Emergency, is really wonderful, I recommend it!
Stuff I Love
Amos Goldbaum’s Coloring Pages - I have bought so many shirts from talented San Francisco-based cityscape artist Amos Goldbaum. This week, he uploaded black-and-white versions of his detailed drawings that you can download, print out, and color. I love them!
Free Zine Care Packages from Antiquated Future - Are you running desperately low on reading material? Small press distributor Antiquated Future is offering to send out free zine care packages to anyone who needs one!
We Should Improve Society Somewhat - My brilliant friend Matt Bors has a new book of comics out! This book collects eight years of his work and feels extremely relevant. Get it here.
How to Do Nothing - People have been constantly recommending Jenny Odell’s book on “resisting the attention economy” to me since it came out last year. But I just now finally got it from the library in audiobook form. And, man, there is not a better piece of advice to hear during the pandemic than that doing anything worthwhile takes time and contemplation—when we tether ourselves to social media, the onslaught of information overwhelms our brains. She writes: “To know everything about the problem but not be able to do anything about it, that’s a very common contemporary feeling.” If you can’t get the book, check out Odell’s thought-provoking essay “How to Do Nothing.”
Westworld - Have I been spending all the time I used to spend with friends instead watching episodes of Westworld while my cat snoozes on my chest? Yes, yes I have. Watching the new season of the futuristic HBO drama about abused androids who turn the tables on humanity, I realized that I wasn’t rooting for any of the characters. The show has no protagonist. And yet it’s engrossing because it points out the flaws in our society’s embrace of profit-driven, privacy-flouting tech companies. The uncanny valley world-building and cynical morality makes Westworld feel like an epic Black Mirror episode. (Westworld is available to stream on Hulu with HBO Plus)
Private Eye - If you’re not into Westworld but are interested in sci-fi narratives about privacy and technology, there’s no story I’d recommend more than Private Eye, a 2015 comic by Brian K. Vaughan, Marcos Martin and Muntsa Vicente. It’s available to download online for the low, low rate of “name your price.”
Social Distancing Music Club - Some friends of mine are doing this cool music project, making songs in isolation and then uploading them to this ever-evolving album on Bandcamp. Fun!
Cauliflower Bolognese - Look, I know "cauliflower bolognese" sounds like a crime. But I’ve made it three times in the last two weeks and it is delicious on a mind-altering level. I use Earth Balance instead of cow-butter and roast some tomatoes to add in because I have plenty of time to waste.
The U.S. Postal Service - As business advertising through the mail slows to a trickle, the USPS is running short on funding. The postal service is a way to connect to each other without any corporate interference or violations of our privacy. It’s a sacred public utility and a genuine lifeline.
What I’m Reading
Circe by Madeline Miller - I’m not big on Greek gods, but Circe was an engrossing tale that flips the classical conventions of the ancient myths. Seen through the eyes of outcast-witch Circe, the macho heroes of Jason and Odysseus are selfish sad-sacks. The real drama of the world lies in the magic of oceans, trees, sky, and animals.
Pachinko by Min Jin Lee - I gasped aloud during one climatic scene in this beautiful, intimate book that follows the lives of one humble Korean family from the 1920s through the 1980s. If you’re looking to lose yourself like a continent-hopping time-traveler, this is the book for it.
Something to Do
Volunteer with a Local Mutual Aid Group - My head is spinning with a feeling of powerlessness. Watching this crisis escalate, I feel like there’s not much I can do from my home. But people all over the world are forming local mutual aid groups—basically groups of volunteers that pitch in to help their neighbors with whatever they need. I signed up to volunteer with Portland’s mutual aid group. Google your city + “mutual aid” to see if one has already formed where you are. (Image by Josh MacPhee for Amplifier)
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