🌀Chaos Is Okay 🌀
When people ask “How’s the book going?” I pause way, way too long before answering, “Oh, fine.”
The truth is too complicated. The truth is I’ve been spending most nights drinking wine and reading the Senate’s 2009 Torture Report. The truth is I have 25 tabs open on my browser and all of them are gruesome. The truth is I’m kept awake in bed wondering how this all fits together. What’s my goal, anyway, in writing stories about Guantanamo? How can we even try to make any of this right?
Writing a book feels like assembling a puzzle while blindfolded. I’ve got way too many pieces and am not really sure what picture I’ll be creating in the end. I have to make a lot of choices based on feeling alone. Does this seem right? Does this make sense? What pieces fit together and what am I trying too hard to force? What if I see the finished work in the end and it’s not a picture at all, just a big, muddy mess? People have trusted me with their pieces of a very big story and the thing I’m scared of is not doing a good enough job. I feel like I never know if the work I’m doing is “good” until I look back on it with enough distance to understand what I’ve actually made.
Someone asked me recently, “When will you finish working on this book?” I thought about it for a minute. “I don’t think my work will ever be done, this is a lifelong project,” I said. I have to write the first draft, then the second, then the third, then the fourth. Then, I work with artists for six months to illustrate the stories. Then there’s the introduction to worry about, and the cover. In fall 2020, Guantanamo Voices will be published. Then the book is “done.” But I’ll just be getting started, because then people will be reading it for the first time. And, hopefully, people will be reading it for years and years and years. They'll tell me what picture they see in the puzzle. And I'll still wonder if I put the pieces together correctly after all.
Shameless Self-Promotion
I’m nominated as the best zine in Portland! Local paper Willamette Week is tallying up votes in their annual “Best of Portland” poll. My year-of-zines project landed me on the list of finalists for best zines in the city. Anyone anywhere can vote in the online poll until June 15. So, if you like my zines, please feel free to vote for me so I can brag all year. :D
Stuff I Made
The Homophobic Hysteria of the Lavender Scare - I edited a lot of queer content for The Nib during Pride month, including this epic piece about the history of persecuting gay and lesbian people who worked for the federal government.
Guantanamo Bay article - Business Insider reported on how I went to the gift shop at Guantanamo Bay and all I got was this lousy sense of despair! Also, pop culture site Bleeding Cool picked up the news of my book. So... It’s not terrifying at all to see people talking about the book before I’ve finished writing it!
150 Zines - The year of zines project soldiers on, against all odds! I’m very close to halfway through the year and just applied for a grant to collect the best zines into a book at the end of 2019. You can see all 150 zines I've made so far at #yearofzines on Instagram and check out my Patreon to support the project.
Stuff I Love
This shirt. It’s the perfect look for summer 2019. And it supports abortion access groups working in the deep South.
This cute risograph print, which isn’t a fundraiser for anything but is only $10 and now hangs on my office wall and makes me happy for eight hours a day.
Fleabag - Is everyone watching this really funny and wonderful show written by and starring Phoebe Waller-Bridges? Oh you are? Okay, good.
Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood - I picked up this memoir at Bart’s Books because I love Patricia Lockwood’s raw, surreal poetry. But OH MY GOD THIS BOOK IS FUNNY. I disturbed people at New Seasons by laughing too hard aloud while I read it over a salad bar dinner.
Noche Libre - Portland’s Latinx women DJ collective is just all-around rad. They play rad music, they throw rad events, they have rad politics. I just bought tickets for their Puro Pinche dance party on June 30th.
Protecting the Census - The Trump Administration is playing a long game to undermine democracy by undercounting people of color and low-income people in the 2020 Census. The federal government is both severely underfunding the census and Republicans are fighting to add a question about citizenship that will scare many Americans from answering. States like California have resorted to spending their own state budgets to fund Census collection. Gah!
Pickles - They are delicious. They are cheap. They are quick to make. What’s not to love? Look at my impressive stack of home-made pickles!! Here’s the recipe I used.
Someone to Know
Cat Odell
Is there anyone you know who just has the skills you wish you had? Cat Odell is not only an incredible illustrator, but also a talented skateboarder! I’ve always secretly dreamed of being a skateboarder. After following her work online for years, I finally got to meet Cat in person this month and was annoyed to discover that she is also very kind and humble. She just published a children’s book about two skateboarding bunnies. So cool.
Something to Do
Take a Social Media Break
Me on a beach in Olympic National Park, where there is no WiFi. It was great.
In order to make time to finish the first draft of my book, I’ve been not using Twitter for a month. It feels… great? I’ve been looking at Twitter only briefly maybe twice a week, checking in on interesting people rather than having it be an addictive time-suck. While I love keeping up-to-date with friends and admirable strangers, there’s nothing wrong with taking a break for a while. The average person spends two hours a day on social media sites. What could you do with all that extra time? Maybe write a book?? Or just go pet dogs at the beach, which is what I truly want to be doing??
P.S. I don't know what to do with this information, but did you know that Portland buses have uplifting slogans on their front bike racks? Here, take some advice from a bus.
I’ll write again next month! In the meantime, you can keep in touch on Instagram or Twitter. Is this your first time receiving this newsletter? You can see the archive here.