The car radio is scanning through channels. It’s run through the whole dial, from 88 to 106 and back again, because I don’t hear anything I can handle listening to. The snippets of each channel become one long sentence: “War in Ukraine Joe Biden issued tough sanctions compramos oro por lo mejor precio abortion access in Texas is under gas prices are certain to rise we fancy like Applebee's on a date night got that Bourbon Street steak with the Oreo shake climate change report is—” The news of all the ways the world is crumbling blurs together and becomes nonsense, an emotional landslide, too much to understand.
I realize this is what my brain is doing all day, as I scroll through the internet. On my Twitter feed and Instagram, photos of dogs and friends’ babies are sandwiched between soldiers, smirking Republicans, calls to action, devastation. Everything is shouted at the same five-alarm frequency. It’s hard to discern what’s important, what’s frivolous, what’s life-changing, what will pass, what I can control, and what I can’t. Together, it overwhelms my brain and makes each day feel like running a marathon through mud.
I’m reading Patricia Lockwood’s book No One Is Talking About This, a strikingly precise and poignant novel about life online. She writes about exactly this. I folded down the edges of the pages where she writes:
She lay every morning under an avalanche of details, blissed, pictures of breakfast in Patagonia, a girl applying her foundation with a hard-boiled egg, a shiba inu in Japan leaping from paw to paw to greet its owner, ghostly pale women posting pictures of their bruises—the world pressing closer and closer, the spiderweb of human connection grown so thick it was almost a shimmering and solid silk, and the day still not opening to her. What did it mean that she was allowed to see this?
…
‘What are you doing?’ her husband asked softly, tentatively, repeating his question until she had shifted her blank gaze up to him. What was she doing? Couldn’t he see her arms all full of the sapphires of the instant? Didn’t he realize a male feminist had posted a picture of his nipple that day?
When do I use social media to open up to the world, versus shutting blankly down? When do use it as a way to connect with others? And when do I let it use me, overwhelm me, crush me under the avalanche? At the end of the day, have I built community and made an impact on the world, or are my hands empty and exhausted, the “sapphires of the instant” flowing through? On desperate days, I try to remember that it’s merely a tool—a tool that makes money off our heightened emotions. Stressed out about the news of war and gun violence and harmful laws working their way through legislatures, the companies that run social media sites don’t want me to take action, they want me to buy new socks. Capitalism works better if we’re all stunned and exhausted and overwhelmed. I try to remind myself to keep breathing, here in the physical world, to focus on what I can do, and to hold my friends close.
Stuff I Made
A zine about getting abortion pills by mail, since it seems like a lot of people don’t know about options for medical abortions. On my site there’s a free PDF of the zine you can download, print, and share.
Here’s a comic: Everyone said raising a puppy is a lot of work. I had no idea what that meant.
New Classes
Reading, Writing, and Making Comics - I’ll be running an eight-week online class in the craft of creating comics. We’ll read a diversity of comics and engage in writing and drawing exercises that boost artistic confidence and give you concrete skills to make your own comics. Newsletter subscribers get $20 off with the discount code README! Thanks for reading. Sign up here.
Comics Workshop for Teens - Calling all teenagers who want to make comics! My friend Kane Lynch and I will be running this weekly comics workshop in-person at Alder Commons in Portland. More info here.
Upcoming Events
Wikipedia edit-a-thon - Have you ever wanted to learn how to edit Wikipedia? Now’s your chance! As part of the Art & Feminism movement to reduce Wikipedia’s gender gap, I’m organizing a training and edit-a-thon. You can attend online or in person (with the added bonus of FREE BURRITOS!). March 12th, online from 11am-12pm PST, in-person from 12pm-4pm PST. Register here.
Gender studies conference zine workshop - I’m hosting a zine workshop as part of a Penn State graduate students’ in gender and women's studies conference today. The conference lineup looks super interesting! I’m definitely going to the Saturday morning talk about using dazzle makeup to subvert facial recognition software. But anyway, my one-hour workshop is free and open to all. Friday, Feb. 25, 12:50pm PST/3:50pm EST, register here.
Stuff I Love
Rainbow makers - Look. Things are… not great right now. Does it make me happy to put stickers up on my windows that fill my house and cover my dog with rainbows? Yes, yes it does.
Reporter Alex Zielinski - I just really appreciate Alex’s reporting in Portland! Especially this past week, as she has reported in straight-forward, empathetic, and relentless way on the murder of a volunteer at a Black Lives Matter protest. Thank you, Alex!
The Trojan Horse Affair - Ben and I listened to this stunning podcast during a three-day drive down to my parents’ house in California, pausing frequently to discuss the Islamophobia and racism at play in its Scooby-Doo-level madcap political scheme.
Copper Union - I bought a crop top from this Portland-based size-inclusive fashion designer and now I just want to buy everything they make. How long until my wardrobe is all crop tops, velvet dresses, and overalls?
Gender Reveal - My friend Tuck hosts this podcast and I’ve plugged it before, but what the heck, it’s so good that I’ll plug it again. I really appreciate the way guests on this show discuss the chaos of gender with an ever-evolving understanding. I keep thinking about moments from the most recent season’s interview with Ezra Furman - check it out.
Free comics from The Nib - I helped edit a couple comics for the Nature issue of The Nib and now you can get a free PDF of the magazine! The Nib is giving away digital copies right here.
Wearing a goddam mask - So people are not wearing masks anymore? That’s the distinct impression I get, after leaving the Portland bubble where masks have been mandatory inside for almost all of the last two years. It seems super weird to be in a grocery store where only a handful of people are wearing masks, as COVID rates are still very high! I get my masks from Bonafide masks, if you need a rec.
What I’m Reading
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek - The perfect thing to listen to as spring creeps slinks toward us is Annie Dillard’s meditation on the beloved plants and bugs around her home. I love how closely she pays attention to the land. She says she doesn’t want to travel anywhere because she may miss seeing the grass turn green.
Man Alive - Thomas Page McBee’s story about rethinking masculinity as a trans man is the first book Ben ever gave me. We recently bought a copy for a friend, so I picked it up again and found it just as powerful as ever.
Seek You - Cartoonist Kristen Radtke’s illustrated essay exploring loneliness in the United States feels haunting, poetic, and insightful.
Something to Do
Show up for trans kids—in Texas and everywhere else
For years, right-wing politicians across the country have been threatening the safety and lives of trans people in order to score political points. This week, the Texas Attorney General issued a directive that says providing gender-affirming care to trans kids is child abuse. As ACLU lawyer Chase Strangio noted, so far in 2022, over 100 anti-trans bills have been introduced across the country, many of them similarly targeting health care for transgender minors. He writes:
The situation can seem desperate, but we have the tools to survive. For generations, we have showed up in solidarity, shared information and resources, and called upon those in power to loosen their grip over people’s lives. When the state doesn’t listen, we can create those opportunities the state has tried to deny us for one another. This fight is life or death. I am all in—are you?
Do whatever you can to support the trans people in your communities, in the meantime, consider donating to groups like Equality Texas and the National Center for Transgender Equality. (Y’all Means All flag by Flags for Good.)
Thanks to the Patreon supporters who make my work possible! Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter. And the archive of past newsletters is right here.
p.s. I moved from TinyLetter to Substack because it’s more user-friendly, but this newsletter has been and will always be free! Thanks to Laura Glazer for teaching me about Substack.