🍎 A few apples that are impossible to grasp 🍎

My 73-year-old friend is always reaching.

Lance texted me a paragraph of a life update that ended with, “Yeah my birthday brought up a few apples that were impossible to grasp.” 

Lance is my extremely cool 73-year-old nonbinary friend who I met on a bike trip last June. They’re somehow always snow-shoeing or on a boat or at an art retreat or communicating with whales or doing something else that I wish I was doing. During that weekend-long bike trip, Lance told me, “After you turn 70, you realize everything is bullshit.” Since their 70th birthday, they’ve come out as nonbinary, changed their pronouns, and, most recently, changed their name. “Lance” is new. And it’s a great name, in my opinion. It reminds me of a spear, something strong and pointed and moving forward. 

We think of people as settling down when they get older, getting more set in their ways. But that hasn’t been my experience. Instead as I get older, I’m itching to get weirder. I think that in my twenties, I was so determined to carve out space for myself in the world. And now that I have that space, I don’t really feel like I have anything to prove. So it’s safe to ask some big questions about who I actually am. I’m more up for rethinking what I thought I knew. I like the idea of not being content with the apples you can grasp. Of even at age 73, looking up into the branches and thinking about what else is out there—spotting ideas and feelings that are ripe for trying to wrap your head around. Lance is an inspiration to me to get wilder, weirder, and more willing to call everything bullshit. 

Here are a few apples that are just out of reach for me: What is gender? Also, why do I work all the time? Is my fear that I’ll run out of money and die in obscurity if I stop working constantly legitimate or is that just capitalism talking? Does anything I do actually matter? Why am I sitting by myself on a Friday night typing, instead of being out there… somewhere… doing something that involves more of a juicy, lucious, zest for life? Lance is probably cross-country skiing around a volcano right now. Maybe they’re drinking tea in a snowy chalet. Meanwhile, I’m sitting in a garden-shed-turned-office under a blinding lightbulb that’s meant to alleviate seasonal affective disorder, click-clacking away on a chapter of a book that nobody will see for two years. How do you like them apples?

A drawing of Lance from my sketchbook, back in the summer when there was sun. :|

Stuff I Made 

Illustration for the School Library Journal by Mark Todd

Zine famous: My work is featured in this really great School Library Journal cover story about zines in libraries. Since it came out, heaps of librarians have been downloading my how-to-make-a-zine template.  

Two new zines: One on new nonbinary pride flags and one on the potentially accidental theft of my new Blundstones. 

Upcoming Events 

AWP Drink and Draw + Zine Panel - I’m heading up to Seattle next week for the Association of Writers and Publishers conference (AWP), where I’ll be on a Saturday panel about zines. My friends Elizabeth Haidle, Franky Frances Cannon, and I are hosting a free drink and draw Friday during happy hour—come hang out if you’re in Seattle! This is an indoor event and masks are recommended but not required. The bar is ADA accessible. March 10, 4-6pm, Linda’s Tavern (707 E. Pine) 

Brooklyn Public Library Cool Work Series - I’m extremely honored that cartoonist Whit Taylor and librarian Leigh Hurwitz asked me to lead a free comics workshop for the Brooklyn Public Library “cool work” series along with awesome artists like Isabella Rotman. I am officially cool. 😎 Anyway, I’m going to lead a 90-minute workshop on Drawing the Invisible! Online, April 8th, 1pm-2:30pm EST (10-11:30am PST), free, register here.   

MoCCA Arts Fest - I’m going to tabling at the Society of Illustrators’ MoCCA Festival in New York with my pal Mattie Lubchansky. I’ll be selling zines, books, stickers, and hopefully a new print that involves potatoes. If you live in New York City, stop on by and say hi! April 1-2, 125 W. 18th St., New York, tickets are $12-25

Stuff I Love 

Second edition of Comics for Choice - Way back in 2017, I made a comic for this anthology about the right to never get pregnant if you don’t want to be. The updated second edition is coming out this month from Silver Sprocket! 

Supporting access to abortion pills - Speaking of which, did you see that Walgreens has caved to right-wing campaigning and will not dispense abortion pills in 20 states? And that a group of 200 human rights groups has urged the UN to intervene because the United States’ abortion restrictions are violating international law? Not that we have a history of caring about international law. This situation makes me so angry that it’s hard to even talk. Here are three groups that are working on keeping access open to abortion pills: Plan C, Aid Access, and the National Network of Abortion Funds. 

This comic about the history of Black communities resisting surveillance, by Alexis Hancock and Chelsea Saunders at The Nib.

Ecologies - A biologist made a card game and I promise it’s actually fun. My friends and I have been playing this game, where you win by building the most diversified and well-balanced biome. Nerdy? Absolutely! 

Transfigure Print Co - This trans and queer owned print shop in Michigan is one of my favorite designers. I think I’ve bought at least one of every item they sell. They’re currently not taking new orders (maybe they got deluged after all the news of horrible anti-trans laws around the country?) but bookmark them for all your future shirt and hat needs! 

Corn heating bags -  My friend Jenni sewed me a corn bag to help get me through winter and it’s honestly one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. The humble corn bag is just what it sounds like: a fabric bag full of corn kernels. You can pop it in the microwave, heat it up, and the corn remains toasty warm for a surprisingly long time. Here’s a DIY tutorial. 

Neon nail polish - I bought this neon green nail polish from Cirque as kind of a whim but now I don’t want to wear anything else?? I think I’m entering my neon nail polish era. Having really bright nails during the very gray winter times is an essential mental health strategy. 

Brass Taxes - I am once again out here evangelizing for this small tax-prep company that does taxes for artists and freelancers. They are super affordable and do a video call with you, so it’s not like you have to fill out a bunch of tax forms on your own. I’ve done my taxes with them for free years! 

What I’m Reading 

Free by Lea Ypi - This memoir about growing up in Albania in the 1980s captivated me. Lea Ypi was an ardent Young Pioneer who thoroughly believed in the Communist cause—but her entire understanding of the world and her family fell apart when her country’s Communist party lost power in 1990. 

An Immense World by Ed Yong - I’ve been walking around listening to this book about the science of animal perception, which means when neighbors say hi to me, I’m actually thinking about how scallops can see in 360 vision and some butterflies have eyeballs on their genitals. 

Spear by Nicola Griffith - My mom gave me this book for Christmas and I just got around to reading it. It’s an absorbing and fun queer fantasy that’s a dreamy take on the King Arthur legends. 

Zine of the Month Club

Artist Vivian Li stopped by my table at Short Run in November and traded zines with me. I loved her work so much that I had to look her up and get copies for the zine-of-the-month club!  

You can read this zine online and you won’t regret it: Cautionary Tale 

About Vivian Li: Vivian is a comics artist and illustrator based in Seattle who likes fruit and hates carrots. She tells funny, charming, and kind stories about occurrences both everyday and fantastic. She's currently working on a comic cookbook about Chinese home cooking with her family. You can find those recipes and other comics on her Instagram account @vivianlikesfruit! 

Something to Do

Watch queer comics documentary No Straight Lines. 

I’m kind of obsessed with this really well-made documentary—I organized a screening for it last year. Good news: Now it’s streaming for free on PBS! The next time you’re scrolling through infinite pages on Netflix, remember that there’s a great documentary all about comics that you can watch for free. Pop a corn bag in the microwave and get watching. 

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P.S. You made it to the end, so here’s a reward: a series of videos of animals making or enjoying music, from Dust to Digital.